It began as any summer would, with anticipation of the free time and excitement for the adventures. However, when confronted with the necessity to support a friend who has lost interest in life, the adventures and the excitement decrease more than a little. Living in Oshkosh while she lived in Appleton, alongside unreliable, gas sucking transportation, doesn’t allow for much hang-out time; because of this I was unable to ‘pick-up’ on the emotions of Rayne and I really didn’t know how she felt until one evening about 1/3rd through summer when she confided in me.
The typical response to a person who is considering suicide is to say something along the lines of “I’ll miss you” or so and so will miss you; however, Rayne opened my eyes to the fact that this is actually quite selfish; an earth shattering realization. When a person is dealing with something, focusing on someone else is not going to ease their troubles.
I began to look for the positives in Rayne’s life in order to help her see that there is love and happiness around her. This allowed me to get a lot closer to her and learn more about her and her life’s situation.
When supporting a suicidal, you have to overcome a constant barrage of negative thoughts, energy, and possibly even actions with very dire consequences. For some, they just need a sign. Knowing that there is someone there to rely on is the best thing you can do for someone.
The goal is not to persuade them that suicide is a bad choice, or that people will miss them. The goal is to help them make up their own mind when they’re stuck in the middle. They already have all the negative reasons supporting their yearning, and by providing the positives you are allowing them the tool to actually make a decision because they see both sides of the story. The issue is that when lost in a galaxy of nothingness with no hope for escape, there is no reason to do anything, except continue going on being miserable and sad each and every day of life.
Alongside all of this, I also learned how to overcome being suicidal. Unknown to all, I was on the brink of being suicidal. I never had the heart to end my own life because each and every time I thought about it, I thought about the affects it would have on my family and on Rayne.
Every now and then I go through depression swings when something drastically emotional happens to me, but I can’t give in and go into a permanent depression because then I would be leaving Rayne behind.
This is a person that has affected me in so many ways unimaginable, all the while solving her own problems.